By Marissa
After I got out of my previous unhealthy relationship, I felt emotionally drained. I really wanted to take some time to myself, reflect on how that relationship affected me, and just be single for a while. Spoiler alert: that is not how things went at all. In fact, I met my current boyfriend less than a week after I broke things off with my ex-boyfriend. Naturally, I was vulnerable after my break-up, and I was very hesitant to meet anybody. I hadn’t been single in a few years, so I felt awkward talking and getting to know new people. Despite all of this, somehow I ended up meeting my boyfriend, and all I can say is, I’m grateful I did.
The timing of my new relationship wasn’t ideal, but once I realized that I had no control over that, it dawned on me – people come into your life for a reason. I firmly believe that my boyfriend was, and still is, a blessing in my life, because of what he has taught me about myself. That may sound selfish, but it truly takes a special person to treat you well enough to make you to reflect on what you deserve. He treated me with respect, and because I was treated as his equal, I began to understand my self-worth. I realized I deserved far better than I had received in the past. With his support and motivation, I became stronger and more confident than I had been before I met him.
The biggest thing that I’ve learned in this relatively short relationship (a little over a year) is that you can certainly be in a healthy relationship without making your whole life revolve around your significant other. In fact, you can be independent and still have a perfectly healthy and happy relationship. Being in a relationship should never result in the loss of your identity. Your partner should complement you in such a way that you know you can always rely on him or her for support, without feeling as if you need to rely on him or her. You can put yourself before your significant other; it’s not mean or self-centered, but rather a sign of maturity.
To be in a relationship with someone that encourages this type of independence is great, but it doesn’t always happen. That’s why I think it’s crucial that you respect yourself enough to make a promise to never rely on someone else to be happy. You should take the time to know yourself inside and out so that you’re aware of your needs in a relationship – what makes you happy, what your pet peeves are, etc. The good news is that we are all capable of self-reflection, and it’s never too late to begin doing it. In closing, your relationship CAN be healthy, fulfilling, and loving without relying on each other. A healthy relationship is a two-way street – you give a little, and you take a little, and ultimately, you grow together.
My current relationship led me to face the relationship that matters the most – the one with myself. I’ll talk about that in my next blog post, which comes out next week! I hope you take a look!