Ready or Not - Part Five

Zachary* is a 19 yr old college sophomore. This is his story.

I was a college sophomore the first time I did the deed.

When I was in high school... well even before that... I knew that I was gay. You may be wondering how that went for me? Not well. Being a teenager is awkward enough people who are supposedly your friends can be really mean. I was deeply afraid of what my friends and parents would say and of being rejected by them.

My entire high school career I didn’t date, I didn’t even get so much as a single kiss. My best friend was a girl named Jenna*. She was super cool and we spent nearly every day together.  She also didn’t really date and we totally bonded over our mutual lack of dating partners, favorite TV shows and love for baking cookies. Even though we were so close I never told her my secret.

Going away to college was very exciting. Once away from all the people I had grown up with I felt freer to open up and explore my true feelings. My campus had what they called a Pride Center, which provided outreach, therapy and resources to all LGBTQ students. This was the first time in my life I found and connected with other people who were just like me. 

I met Joe* midway through my freshman year. We started off totally as friends. I was super gun shy about everything. Most people I know had had some sort of dating or sexual experience and I had none. I was very anxious about this. The first time he kissed me I kind of freaked out. Thankfully for me Joe wasn’t easily scared off. We took things very, very slow and it was at least a year until we actually had sex. 

The Pride Center had a testing facility so we both went in and got tested together, even though I hadn’t had sex before, this was a way for us to build trust. They also gave us lube and condoms. I learned that condoms should be used even if both partners are clean because the anus can contain other kinds of bacteria that you don’t want to spread.  The first time was very intense and it definitely brought us closer together. 

With my first boyfriend under my belt, I came home for spring break. The first person I called was Jenna. After spending many soul searching nights thinking about it I decided to come out to her. She was my best friend and I had to be honest about my true self, but still I was nervous. After telling her she got this big smile on her face. She claimed that it was something she already always knew! Wow, I guess she knew me better than I thought. Cue the “wa-wa” music- that was way easier and less dramatic than I could have ever predicted.

I’m blessed that I have people who can accept me for my true self. Jenna and Joe are both helping me brainstorm how to tell my parents. Once again I’m nervous but who knows maybe they already know too?

*names have been changed to protect anonymity