In healthy relationships, both partners trust each other and feel physically and emotionally safe around each other. Of course, this doesn’t mean everything will be sunshine and rainbows in the relationship all of the time because it’s common to have disagreements here and there. But, if these disagreements ever make you feel fear, pressure, and/or abuse in a relationship, then this means that the relationship is unhealthy AND you’re experiencing dating abuse/domestic violence.
What is Dating Abuse/Domestic Violence?
It is true that every relationship is different…BUT, the things that separate healthy relationships vs. unhealthy relationships have to do with feelings of power and control – when one partner seeks to control the other partner, physically and/or emotionally. Anyone can experience dating abuse, regardless of gender, sexuality, culture, or socioeconomic status.
Signs to look for:
- Physical Abuse – hitting, pushing, punching, slapping, or even just making the attempt to do any of these is definitely a red flag
- Sexual Abuse/Coercion – forcing you to do sexual activity that you don’t want to do, using their own weight to pin you down, and/or using the relationship to pressure you, such as:
- “If you love me, you’d have sex with me/give me a blow job/go down on me/etc.”
- Emotional/Verbal Abuse – insulting you and controlling your self-esteem by making you feel bad about how you look or how you think, threatening you, or even stalking you
- Other behaviors – demanding your passwords to “check in” on you via social media, demands your phone to check your call/text history, restricts you from seeing/making new friends
One of my closest friends once experienced dating abuse. His partner would constantly put him down emotionally by telling my friend that he wasn’t good enough or smart enough for him and that he was only dating my friend out of pity. Plus, he would always threaten my friend about telling my friend’s parents about their son’s true sexuality. Needless to say, my friend experienced great fear because he felt he couldn’t get out of the relationship and the depression he already experienced about understanding his sexuality only worsened. Finally and thankfully, he told his parents the truth about his sexual/romantic preferences, and they helped him get out of the relationship.
What can you do?
Here are some helpful resources if you or a friend is experiencing dating abuse/domestic violence: