This is Jill’s story:
I met Michael at the beginning of my junior year in history class. I was instantly attracted to him with his dorky long hair and witty sense of humor. I was thrilled when he asked me to be his date to the homecoming dance and from that night on I considered us boyfriend and girlfriend. In the beginning he was SO SWEET! He left cute notes on my car, surprised me early in the morning for breakfast, and made playlists he knew I would like.
I can almost pinpoint exactly when things started to change. We had been dating around 2 months and we were lying on my couch watching TV when my phone vibrated with a text message from my friend Sarah. I smiled as I read the funny text about her brother and the next thing I knew Michael had snatched the phone out of my hand demanding to know if I was talking about him. He proceeded to read all of my texts because if I “had nothing to hide then it shouldn’t matter.”
The worst part is that day Michael was convinced I had a crush on Sarah’s brother. Can you believe that?! Then things got worse. In order to reassure him he made me promise to call every 20 minutes to check in any time I was at Sarah’s house. A couple times I even caught Michael driving past the house to check up on us. When I confronted him about it he got so angry with me and accused me of being a terrible girlfriend for spending time at Sarah’s house and making him feel this way. He said he was thinking of breaking up with me but that I could “earn him back” if I tried. I really liked Michale and kept remembering our first two months so I went along and we started spending virtually all of our time together. He picked me up in the morning for school, walked me to all of my classes, and even waited outside my volleyball practice at night. If we weren’t together we had to constantly be texting and if I didn’t text him back within ten minutes he would call to see what I was doing.
What I didn’t know at that time was that I was in an unhealthy relationship. Michael isolated me from my friends by shaming me into thinking I was bad girlfriend so I wouldn’t hang out with them. My friends didn’t know what to think. I canceled on them so much they stopped calling. Michael became my world. He even had veto power over my outfits in the morning because he didn’t want people to think he was dating a slut. Worst of all, he made me feel as if all of this was my fault.
I didn’t start off wanting to be in an unhealthy relationship and I don’t imagine any girl does. I had always considered myself a strong and independent girl who would never put up with crap from anyone. I quickly found out that abuse has a way of sneaking up on you though. I once thought abuse could only come in the form of physical violence. I was wrong and what I always thought was something I would never tolerate became my life before I could even recognize it. I was eventually able to get out of the relationship with the help of my mother and friends who helped me find help. I was lucky.
During my relationship with Michael I felt like a horrible person, walked around on egg shells, and centered every aspect of my life around his demands. This is not how you should feel in a relationship. Now I know that I should feel loved for who I am and that my opinions should be respected, I also know that a lack of physical violence does not equal a healthy relationship. I know the warning signs and I won’t be afraid to reach out for help.
If you think you are in a situation similar to mine, get help. Check out these warning signs and get help.