Catelynn* is 20 and a sophomore in college. This is her story:
I’m waiting to have sex—maybe until marriage, or maybe until I find the right person. Sometimes people ask me why, but it's hard to explain in just a couple sentences. It's more than just because of what I was taught while growing up; I just don’t think I'm ready yet. Yeah, I've gone on dates and I've had boyfriends, but I just never really felt the right connection with any of them. Lots of my friends think I'm crazy—they've all had sex before. Sometimes I just feel out of the loop, you know? But then I think about it and it just doesn’t seem right… yet.
I want to find the right guy. You only have your first time once; shouldn’t it be one of the most special times of my life? I haven't liked any of my past boyfriends enough to want to experience that one moment with them.
I've talked to a couple of my friends about when they lost their virginity… and it just sounds messy. One of my friends regretted her first time so much that she doesn’t even want to remember it!
And then there are so many risks that you take when you have sex: what if the condom breaks? What if he cheats on me and I get an STD? What if I get pregnant? What would I do? My friends say that there are a lot of different places I can go for support if any of these things happen to me, but I know in my heart that I’m not ready to deal with any of that.
Honestly, being intimate with someone isn't completely out of the question for me, but I know that it is gonna be a long while from now.
Waiting gives me a strong sense of self worth: when I'm with a guy, it's because he likes me for who I am, and not what I do or don’t do in the bedroom. If I've found the right guy, he'll be okay with me waiting, and he'll love me and respect me for it—which will make our relationship stronger. It really makes me feel confident about myself as a person.
So being abstinent isn’t the worst thing in the world. I feel like a stronger person for not giving into that social pressure. I'm kind of excited to have sex one day, but I'd rather just worry about the details like with whom and when later. For now, I'll just focus on me.