What you need to know about sexual health--Part 7 of 7

An interview with Dr. Mark Schuster, the author of Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids To Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask)

By Valentina Cardenas, 17, Ramona Convent (Alhambra)

This interview contains frank information about teens and sex. After consulting with L.A. Youth’s teen staff and their friends at various schools, we prepared these questions to give teens the information they want to know, but might be afraid to ask. Our purpose is not to offend, but rather to help teens make informed decisions.

Dr. Mark Schuster, director of the UCLA/Rand Center for Adolescent Health Promotion, answered our questions about sex. His book for parents, “Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids To Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask)” was published in 2003.  This is the final part of a 7 part series.

19. How much masturbation is normal?

“There is no simple answer to that. Some people never masturbate; some people masturbate many times throughout the day. And I’d say that normal is kind of a funny word. Is there an amount that’s too much? If you’re masturbating to the point where you’re not getting together with friends, you’re not doing your homework, you’re not engaging in your regular life activities, that’s probably too much. Masturbation should not be interfering with the rest of your life. So, there isn’t an amount of masturbation that anyone has found dangerous, so it’s more if it’s affecting the rest of your life. Many more men than women masturbate, but the majority of people masturbate.”

20. What does it mean if teens are not curious about sex and do not want to try it? This was asked by a 17-year-old male, and he was worried.

“I’d say, that no, it’s perfectly fine not to want to try sex. He may want to wait until he’s married; he may want to wait until he falls in love. Some people want to have sex all the time, with anyone they find who’ll have sex with them. Others want to have sex in the context of a long-term, committed relationship where there is a large emotional overlay, and in the confines of a marriage. There could be many reasons why a 17-year-old doesn’t want to have sex and he shouldn’t feel there is something wrong with him.  If he has no sexual desire, no sexual attraction, then that’s uncommon. It doesn’t automatically mean that something is wrong, but I think a 17-year-old who has no sexual desires, doesn’t see other women or men and find somebody attractive, someone that makes them feel sexual, I think that’s a reason for them to talk to their doctor and just see if there might be anything going on. But the lack of the desire to have actual sex could be explained by all sorts of things, and just the desire to wait until he’s in love or married.”

21. How do boys know if they’re gay?

“For boys, usually they’ll feel attracted to other boys, but they might not be so sure about what their attractions are. Partly it might be that they are gay, but they’re scared to acknowledge what they’re feeling, so they’re struggling with it, hoping they’re not gay, trying to make themselves feel attracted to women. They may have a friend who’s a woman they might like and so they aren’t sure if it means they’re attracted to her, even if they feel more physically moved by men. But it sometimes could be that a boy is straight, but happens to be good friends with another boy and isn’t really sure what it means about people being gay and whether the fact that he has a close friend means that he’s gay. So kids can get confused, but if a boy has fantasies about other boys, if he has sexual dreams about other boys or sexual fantasies, those are usually pretty good evidence that he is gay, or at least bisexual.”