Talking With Your Partner about Sex

If you are thinking about having sex, it’s important to talk about it ahead of time. But that isn’t always easy. You may feel embarrassed or nervous. That’s totally normal. But don’t let those feelings keep you from talking about sex.

If you are able to talk things through ahead of time, you’re more likely to build the kind of relationship you really want. Here are just a few of the positives:

• You and your partner can talk about what you really want to do sexually and what you aren’t so comfortable doing.
• You can express how you really feel.
• You can plan how to have safe sex and protect yourselves from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
• You’ll feel closer to each other and more able to talk about other parts of your relationship.

Getting Started

Think ahead of time about what you’d like to say. Be clear in your own mind what you’d like to say about sex.

• Choose a comfortable place and the right time to talk. It’s best to talk about sex before you’ve had sex. But even if you’ve already had sex, it’s important to talk about it.
• Be as clear and to the point as you can be. It may not be easy, but it’s worth it.
• Be honest about what you want and how you feel.
• Let your partner know what you’d feel comfortable with doing and what you don’t want to do.
• Talk to your partner about what birth control method would work best. You can read through “What is Right for You” together. Men may find it helpful to take a look at “What Men Want to know about Sex and Birth Control.”

Your partner may feel uneasy about talking about sex, STDs, or pregnancy. You can encourage your partner. Point out that being open about sex is one way to show one another how much you care about each other. Being safe when it comes to STDs and making sure a pregnancy can’t happen will only make having sex more enjoyable for both of you.

Talking About What You Like and Don’t Like

When you talk about what’s important to you, keep these tips in mind:

• Respect your partner’s point of view.
• Be honest and open.
• Pay attention to your partner’s body language. Think about his or her feelings.
• Be sensitive and positive.
• Ask questions about what feels good to your partner and what doesn’t.
• In a loving way, explain what your partner could do that would feel good to you.
• Explain anything that might be bothering you.

By asking questions and paying attention to your partner’s cues, you can have a successful conversation about sex. That way, you can have sex when it feels right to both of you. When you do have sex, you’ll be able to tell one another what feels good to you both. And both of you will be able to decide together how you will prevent STDs and pregnancy.