Why Do Girls Stay in Abusive Relationships

"Some teens don't realize that they're being abused. Some teens think that being controlling is a sign of love. The cycle of violence is powerful. It results in low esteem so it's easy to be controlled, and some teens can't tell what a healthy relationship is because they have no good examples."

-Staff attorney Tara Borelli of Break the Cycle, a Los Angeles organization dedicated to preventing dating violence.

An interview with Laney Kapgan, executive assistant from Break The Cycle.

How far is too far?

Any relationship in which someone feels afraid or controlled has gone too far. Name-calling is too far.

What are some key hints that this isn't the person for me?

There are many warning signs. Someone who is telling you what to do. Extremely jealous or possessive behavior. Isolation- pulling you away from friends or family. A history of violence where he abused other partners. Big mood swings.

If his dad hits his mom, will he hit me?

Possibly, because abuse is a learned behavior, but it can be unlearned.

How do you end an abusive relationship?

Keep important phone numbers with you at all times. Make a list of places to go to be safe. Keep extra money and clothes with someone close just in case. You can also get a restraining order from the police.

How common are abusive relationships?

Forty percent of teen girls know someone that has been hurt by partners. One third of teen boys and girls are victims of abuse.

Are guys ever abused?

Guys get abused, too. It can be very difficult for guys to come forward. It happens to everyone, but 85 percent of the cases are men abusing women.

What's the first thing you should do if you think you're in an abusive relationship?

Get to a safe place such as a relative's house if you're in immediate danger. Police can help you get an emergency protective order, which will be in effect for a few days. Make a list of your options. Victims can call Break The Cycle (310) 286-3366 or (888) 988-TEEN, where lawyers can give options and advice to anyone from 12 to 22 years old.

Warning Signs of an Abusive Dating Relationship

• Extreme jealousy or insecurity
• Constant put-downs
• Possessiveness or acting like they own you
• Telling you what to do
• Explosive temper
• Making false accusations
• Isolating you from your friends and family
• Preventing you from doing things you want to do

QUIZ: Is Your Relationship Healthy?

Choose your answer.

[Yes] [No] Is your boyfriend extremely jealous or possessive? Does he accuse you of flirting or cheating on him? Does he constantly check up on you or always make you check in with him?

[Yes] [No] Does he tell you how to dress or how much makeup to wear?

[Yes] [No] Does he try to control what you do and who you see? Does he try to keep you from seeing or talking to your family and friends?

[Yes] [No] Does he have big mood swings where one minute he is angry and yelling at you, and the next minute he is sweet and apologetic and says he can't live without you? Do you often feel like you're "walking on eggshells" around him?

[Yes] [No] Does he put you down or criticize you and make you feel like you can't do anything right or that no one else would want you?

[Yes] [No] Does he put you down or criticize you and make you feel like you can't do anything right or that no one else would want you?

[Yes] [No] Does he yell, grab, shove, punch, slap, hold you down, throw things or hurt you in any way?

[Yes] [No] Does he threaten to hurt you or somebody you care about (like himself, your family, your friends or your pets)?

[Yes] [No] Does he force or pressure you into having sex or going further than you want to?

If you answered yes to some of these questions, your relationship may not be as healthy as you deserve.

Break the Cycle can help. (310) 286-3366 or (888) 988-TEEN or
help@break-the-cycle.org. For more information on how to stay safe while you're in an abusive relationship or leaving a relationship, see the Web site at
www.break-the-cycle.org.

Copyright Break the Cycle.