Advice for Surviving the Holidays

Ah the holidays. The food, the gatherings, the craziness and the good times.

The holidays can be a wonderful, but often they can also be filled with jealousies, family drama and a lot tension. In a few hours I will drive many hours to be in a house filled with people that think it is totally fine to comment on everything from my student loan debt to my eyebrow shape. I may love my family, but that doesn’t mean I always like them.

However over the years and heartache, I have figured out a few things to do to calm down the tension, and make the holiday pleasant enough:

1. When things get too much for you, just take a moment to leave. There is no shame in taking a time out. Leave the room, grab a book, some music, a present to wrap or a pillow to hit and take some time out for yourself. Suggest it to other people too.

2. Don’t dish out more than you can take. As someone who loves to tease, I do it to everyone, but I try to make sure it’s always friendly and never too hurtful. The holidays are particularly stressful, and sometimes certain comments that would normally just brush off a person, can instead really hurt them if they are feeling vulnerable. Think about the golden rule: would you really want someone talking like that about you, in front of others?

3. But, if something really is bad, call out the person causing damage, because if you’re upset, chances are so is someone else. Two years ago I had the unfortunate experience of sitting at a table with an older friend of the family who thought that racist jokes were really funny. I sat there getting more and more po’d until I finally called him an offensive old man in front of the entire dinner party. He then decided to sit in the living room by himself for the rest of the party, demonstrating that he was not following my second piece of advice. After the dinner, my sister and a few other people let me know that they were glad I had said something, because they were feeling the same way.

There are other words of wisdom and advice for surviving the holidays, but just try to remember to focus on the people and things that make you happy, and figure out ways to avoid these potential conflicts next year.